This past Tuesday was a day. A BAD day. The kids just being super cranky....I prayed that after nap time they'd wake up in a better mood, but they didn't.
I mean we did FUN things in the morning.
We biked to not one, but TWO different parks (biked, all 3 kids and me, just me).
We had fun cookie cutter peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on the deck.
We enjoyed a game of Uno Moo.
Still the big kids were CRANKY. I mean cranky.
#1 yelled at me halfway home from the park (he on his bike, me on Pastor's....it was connected to the bike carrier and I was too lazy to disconnect it and connect it to mine) about something...I wasn't exactly sure what. I'm sure the cars that drove by thought what a horrible mom, she's just biking away while her kid screams for "help"....but it wasn't screaming for help...it was just SCREAMING.
It was 12:01, I had a head ache (did I mention I had wisdom teeth pulled the Friday before...mouth still throbbing at this point, causing my head to hurt, let alone the screaming didn't help).
I decided it was an early nap day. So I laid the kids down, PRAISE THE LORD that they napped, for a little while. Not as long as I had hopped (until pastor got home, which would've been 3.5 hours).
We had some guests, I put on my "be happy, entertain" face...the kids enjoyed that...as soon as the guests left it was back to the same bickering.
Pastor then asked a simple question, "Do you want to go to Lowes and get some more paint for the shed". I replied, "SURE". I had suggested to get .50 ice cream cones at BK on the way....but that didn't happen. As I was pulling out of the garage Pastor gasped and what I heard was a yell, but was probably just a normal voice, "WHOA, you almost took off the side mirror"......
OK, PAUSE for a moment....remember my morning....
trying to provide the kids with fun entertainment, fun food, fun games, and all I got was screaming....
ok fast forward. I about loose it. I start saying things I regret now. We didn't get ice cream. We went to Lowes. I brought #3 with me, walked away from Pastor, #1, #2, and tried to take back some felt squares that were the wrong size for our chairs.The poor clerk at Lowes, I had had a day from the dumps and here I was about to take it out on him. I didn't have a receipt (my problem) and he said I couldn't return them until I had the receipt. It was a stinkin $9! Just give me a flippin Lowes Gift card for the difference and I'd be on my way, but NOPE. Notta. I stomped back to the car and waited while the others chose the paint color, without me. It wasn't going to matter anyway, Pastor knew what he wanted so I wasn't needed, or so I thought.
I drove home. The van was silent. I pulled in the driveway (not the garage, I might get "yelled" at again), grabbed the baby and went in to search for this stupid receipt, because I knew it was around the house somewhere. I found it, Pastor came downstairs and in a quite calm manner said "why don't you just leave now" (see you see I had book club to go to tonight, and he was just suggesting that I take some time for ME and go early and do what I wanted....) Which reminded me of something I read earlier this week....it went like this:
"I need to refuel. And it’s not by grocery shopping with only 1
kid instead of all 3. I need to get out of the house. Alone. I need
to ride in my car and listen to adult music. I want to use the public
restroom in the small stall. The one without the changing station.
Alone. I don’t need extravagance. [I mean, I won’t turn down
extravagance, of course. But I don’t need it.] ;) You know what I’d
love? To wander the isles of Target for an hour. Or to sit at
Starbucks alone for 30 minutes. Or to walk in a shopping mall without
pushing a stroller. It really is that easy. Will I come back
completely changed and ready to conquer the world? Honestly? Sometimes
yes. But mostly, no. But what I WILL come back with, is a little more
life in me. I will have a spring in my step. It’s a little shot in the
arm. I reeeeallly need this. When you ask if I want it, and I say,
“I’m OK.” I need you to tell me to go anyway."
So I went early. I knew I still had to come home to feed the baby before book club, but I went out, took back those stupid things from Lowes (didn't even say a word to the clerk), then shopped. Shopped for #2s birthday supplies, birthday presents, and just wandered around....I didn't need to push a cart, it felt glorious. I came home, showered and felt 110% refreshed. It was my refuel.
Here's the thing, Pastor could "tell" I needed to refuel, he suggested it, even without my asking. It was blissful. I'm thankful for a husband that can tell when I need that refuel. I'm blessed.
To those stay at home mommas, know that needing refuel is an okay thing. I realized this, first hand this week.